Journal Entry-Vocation

In confession on Saturday, Father Ligouri said all of my sins come from self-love and pride. He is right. It's so easy to narrowly focus on our own little poorly created worlds. He said I must think of others, always of others, because that is what Jesus did. I have to find ways every day to do kindnesses to others. Humility does not come without the pain of suffering pride. I prayed for the Lord to show me how to be more selfless. I confess I do not know where to begin. I am a selfish girl, diluted with the desire for grandeur in my own life, surely destined for great things. The only thing that makes me special is the love of God. Being His beloved daughter makes me special. I am a menial vessel in His wise hands.

I will be 28 in just a few short weeks, and made a wife a few weeks after that. What I used to think were heavy shackles, being a housewife and mother, now would set me free. Free from the wrong view of the world and my own selfishness. The vocation of marriage and motherhood will be the place I have longed to pour myself into and yet be filled. What a blessing it would be to mine and Michael's parents to bring their grandchildren into this world. They will be magnificent grandparents.

Marriage is a Sacrament, a vocation, and a path to sanctity. I know I am meant to marry Michael. Perhaps in this, my vocation, will I be given the opportunity to die to myself every day and find my way back to redemtion through the grace of God.